How Do I Manage It?

I always feel like I disappoint and let so many people down in my life and in all honesty, I don't mean to. I truly want to do the things that make people happy, but I always come up short in one way or another.

One of my brothers called me, last night and asked me to do something for him. While, I don't think it was something I should have been asked to do, I did what he requested, but in a round about way that potentially may have done more harm than good. I didn't think what he was asking me to do was something in his best interest, but I could also see that there was no talking him out of what he wanted and no reasoning with him at that point. I made the call and was thankfully, forwarded to a voice mail, but I know I sounded pissed off and less than pleasant and it isn't that I even care how the other person felt, it's the fact that once again, my brother is hurting and I really can't help him at all.

I have this major hang up and it stupefies me as to where I managed to get this from, but I can rarely make people understand how I honestly feel. I'm easily talked into doing things I don't want to do, out of guilt and then I get all pissy and nasty and I know the people asking me to do these things could cut their tongues out for ever asking me to do the thing in the first place. I think a lot of it is because, people ask me if I want to do this or that and I tell them right off, how I honestly feel and then I'm immediately questioned and asked if I'm sure?! People! If I say I don't want to do something or I do, why question me, because you're not hearing what YOU want to hear!

I hate letting people down and I try not to, but I come up short so often. I wish I could be like my Mom, she always tries to be there for everyone and quite often, she still gets kicked for not doing enough. Dad may be gruff about a lot of stuff, but if he says he's going to do something, he does it. I wish I had Dad's sensability when it comes to money and Mom's giving ways. I'm stuck at the far end of the spectrum in both counts!