Blah......

That's exactly how I feel, this afternoon.  I don't seem to sleep well at all at night, so I nap during the afternoon and I hate that.  The computer is running very slow and acting wonky, these days and that's ticking me off and I am drinking my diet Pepsi like there could be no tomorrow.  

Skeet and Dad arrived home, safely, this morning, so that's good.  Skeet hung about for a bit, before heading home.  I guess little O has asked her Mom to go look for Daddy, every day, since Thursday morning.  I know that makes Skeet feel good....I know it would me, too!

I just feel restless and unable to concentrate on anything for too long.  I tried reading and seemed like I had to re-read every page at least once, to sink in and then I got sleepy.  I tried watching TV and also got sleepy, so what did I do?  Took a three hour nap!  That should do wonders for my sleeping, tonight.  

See what I mean about this being one of those, blah kind of days?!  

Saturday's of the Past......

I really kind of miss the Saturday's of my youth. If only we knew how carefree those time were, compared to life as an adult, we'd have appreciated them even more!

I think I have a pretty solid appreciation of my youth and while some aspects of those times don't bring back wonderful memories, overall, I'd say I was pretty fortunate as a kid. Kids of today, don't really stay kids, they grow up and mature far too fast, I think. Looking back at my youth, I would be considered almost a baby by today's kids.

Saturday mornings used to be filled with the greatest toons, ever! Let's see, Scooby Doo, Speed Buggy, Bugs Bunny, The Flintstones, The Jetsons, Davey and Goliath, etc...etc...etc. Fruity Pebbles was the cereal I loved most, it seems, well, that and Frankenberry and Booberry. I was introduced to classic sci-fi and horror films, thanks to Dad. When I was a kid, cable didn't come out to our neck of the woods, so we got two channels in the Summer and maybe three or four, in Autumn and Winter. Dad used to go out about 12:30PM and start 'tweaking' the antenna, so he and I or I could watch a Creature Feature that came on at 1:00PM. Usually, a heavy 'snow' was what I watched many of the films through, but I didn't care, it was great fun and something Dad worked hard for me to enjoy.

Mom and Dad used to go out on Saturday night, occasionally. I remember they always dressed for the night out....Dad in a sports-coat and tie and Mom in a dress. On Saturday nights that they didn't go out, an occasional treat would be, Jiffy-Pop popcorn.....remember that?! That was a really big deal, because we didn't have much in the way of snacks, when I was a kid. Oh and on rare occasions, we would get a TV dinner as a treat for lunch on Saturday afternoon....I remember when the Kid Cuisine meals first came out. Those were a big deal.

Quite often, I'd spend Friday and Saturday with a cousin or they'd stay with me. That was always a special time, I was the oldest and the only girl, so it was nice to have someone close to my own age to play with. Sometimes, I'd stay with my grandparents and that was always a thrill. I was spoiled rotten by Grandma and Granddad and even GB, when I'd stay with her, but poor GB had a truckload of grandkids, so getting one on one time with her was a little more rare. I remember, she and I would watch The FBI on late-night TV and the original Mission: Impossible series, too. When I'd stay with Grandma and Granddad, they always made me feel like I was the most special person in their lives, so that was great fun.

I don't think I was spoiled, overall. My parents were strict and as a result, I think I have a lot more respect for them and others. They did indulge me, whenever possible....I always volunteered my Mom to be the 'Room Mother' in school and God bless her, she'd bring goodies to school and would bring craft ideas to my class and we'd do stuff like that. I guess one time I told my class that my Dad would bring a Christmas tree for our room. I think Dad said back then, the tree was $5 or $10 and while it doesn't seem like much, now, it was a lot of money, then and especially at Christmas. Dad said he couldn't be angry with me, especially when he got the tree in the room and saw how excited I was, as well as all my classmates. As mentioned, we didn't have cable in our area, but my Grandma and Granddad, who lived across the river, did have access and the year I was 9 or 10, Space: 1999 was a big thing. It came on at 7:00PM, I think and while Dad wouldn't take me every week and I never asked, he would occasionally take me over and he'd have coffee with Grandma and Granddad, while I watched my episode. Now, that meant Grandma and Granddad gave up TV to me for an hour and they did it, gladly. Things like that meant a lot to me and I still appreciate it, today.

While nothing can ever bring those days back, I do try and make a Saturday afternoon like a trip to the past, as I pop in some classic sci-hi or horror DVD in every Saturday. Thanks Mom, Dad, Grandma, Granddad and GB for these precious memories!

Friday....I Love It!

Yep! I still love a Friday. Today's been quite nice, had the house all to myself from about 9:00AM until about 5:45PM and I accomplished a lot, I think. Did laundry, stripped the bed and washed the sheets, dusted upstairs and vacuumed, too! Hung a photo in the bedroom, watched some TV and relaxed in a bubble bath, too.

We had pizza for dinner and after, headed upstairs and Carol helped me hang curtains in the bedroom. Got three panels on Wednesday, but we definitely needed two for each window, so Carol left for work, early, this morning and got three more panels, so it looks much better.

I'm upstairs on the computer, obviously and Carol is enjoying the TV, downstairs. Skeet just called about fifteen minutes ago and asked if he could call here around 9:00PM and I could give him some late wrestling results, so I'm ready for that call, now.

As usual, there really isn't anything on TV that I'm interested in, so I have my MP3 going and it seems nice to simply sit back and relax.

How Can Someone.....

So smart, be so dumb? Why is it this one person in my life, could have so much going for them and yet, they continually choose the wrong path in life? I love this person so much and I sit here wanting to cry, because I know they are hurting so much and they just can't seem to get their life on track and be happy.

This afternoon and early evening, we've been worried they might do something out of a total sense of loss and something so permanent that nobody could help them, again. I'd give anything if this person could find some peace and happiness, before it's too late. They feel unloved and that has to be a horrible feeling. No amount of talking, reassuring and pleading seems to make them happy or comfortable with the love their family feels for them.

How can I relax and sleep, knowing the pain this person is feeling inside? How can I crack a smile or laugh, knowing this person wants to cry and feels so alone? How can you get through to someone that you have loved since the first day they came into your life, that you want nothing but happiness for them?

I don't think my family deserves the worry and stress that all this causes, but at the same time, I feel so helpless in making this person see how important they are to us. When your words of encouragement and love fall on deaf ears, it can be so maddening and yet so sad. If only I could make this person see how much I love them and how important they are to my life, but I also think they feel let down and disappointed by the people that do love them so much.

I wish I could hug them and get through that I love them and need them in my life...we all do, but I feel that nothing I say or do will ever convince this person that they special. They do have something to offer and they would be missed. I can't even begin to imagine the emptiness that this person leaving us would leave in my life. I love you, M........

Living With More Than One Adult......

Don't get me wrong, I am EXTREMELY grateful to live in the home I do. Two years ago, Carol and I saw a sudden increase of $100 per month for rent. Dad was living in an apartment that was being sold and he decided he wanted something more permanent and something for us, so we wouldn't see a yearly increase in rent. He purchased this house and offered to let us move in and split the cost of living here, down the middle. I love the house, the location and for the first time in my adult life, what I pay for rent/expenses is actually going towards something we will own, so that feels good.

The only fly in the ointment is, I have lived on my own since I was 21. Carol moved in with me, when I was 33 and we moved in with dad when I was 42, so I pretty much was the queen of my own castle for 21 years. It was an adjustment when Carol and I moved in together and it's been an even bigger adjustment moving in with Dad. Carol and I are very set in our ways, as is Dad. I can't say we've had any blow-ups and screaming or yelling about anything, but there has been a few tense moments. I tend to nag Carol to death about the little things she does that annoy me....she kind of lets things fall where she drops them and while she will eventually pick things up, I don't like things on the floor or stacked on tables or anything cluttered looking. Dad likes to keep a coffee mug, large drinking glass and small drinking glass on the counter, by the sink, at all times! If he makes a sammie, he puts the knife on a wadded up paper towel and it will sit there all day. Now, I'm not in any way saying I'm a dream to live with, but I can live with my faults, it's everyone else's faults that drive me insane. LOL

I think I'm far too anal or have OCD and can't let things go......while I can nag at Carol, it's out of the question to nag at Dad. Maybe it's because in spite of my age, I still feel he is my Dad and he deserves a certain amount of respect. Maybe it's the fact that I didn't live with my Dad from the age of 12 on and I'm still feeling like a child around him, I don't know. My Dad is funny, he has me laughing every day, he's trying and I mean he is really trying to make this situation work, so I give him all kinds of credit, there. Carol is less forgiving about things and she is always pissed about soemthing it seems, but as I told her, I feel she and her brothers have always been able to 'bully' their Mom and she will do anything they say. My Dad has NEVER been like that and at 70 years of age, I don't see that ever changing.

Dad and my youngest brother leave for the state wrestling tournament, tomorrow. They'll return home on Sunday morning, so that will give Carol and me a few days of the house to ourselves, which we are both looking forward to. I believe I've talked Carol into making us a very nice meal, tomorrow night and I have a few projects I'd like to get done while Dad is gone. Nothing I can't do when he's home, but sometimes, cleaning is easier when you don't have someone hanging about. I'm thinking I'm going to take all the curtains down and wash/hang them all and I also have a few small projects I'd like to do over the next few days.

Just Some of What Makes Me Tick....

My taste in films, music and TV are so eclectic, if I write the stuff down, it leaves most people scratching their heads. I tend to cling to the films, TV and music that I associate with good memories and the fact that 99.9% of those good feelings remain and I can still enjoy this wide range of interests, makes me even happier. Here are just a very few examples of the wild and wacky things I still enjoy!

Boredom......

I'm definitely feeling that, today. It's not too often I feel bored, but when I do, it's not a good thing. What do I usually do when I'm bored? I think I eat. LOL I haven't really eaten, today, but I can't seem to settle in and really accomplish anything, either.

Carol got off work at 11:00AM on Friday, she picked me up around 11:30AM and we went to get a few groceries and have lunch and we were home in two hours.....that was the last time we left the house! Now, I understand that Carol works and I'm no longer able to, so time home is always important, but holy jeez! With Carol, it's all or nothing....we're either busy and doing something every minute or we're house-bound and it seems the times we are house-bound, I'd like to go out and do a little something. I think Carol associates 'going out', meaning we have to spend money, something we never seem to have enough of, but that isn't the case. I think we could go out and wander in a store or take a ride and not have to spend money.

While it's true, I have been having a lot of pain with my hips and legs, this weekend, had she suggested at any time that we get out of the house, I'd have sucked it up and gone, willingly. Maybe Friday's moodiness turned her off about doing anything with me for the remainder of the weekend, but I think it's more with her not wanting to spend any money. Tomorrow, she heads back to work, so I know I'll be in the house all day....yay.